By Mathews Nthinya

 

A recent men's Dialogue hosted by Higher Health in collaboration with the Eastern Cape Liquor Board at Rhodes University featured a panel of men from all walks of life discussing and addressing topics about manhood and masculinity. This was a platform for men to share their experiences, get advice on how to be better men and learn from one another. The panellists covered critical topics like mental health, paternity, relationships, violence, sexual health, and the wide variety of sexual identities in society during the conversation.

One of the panellists, the Director of the Division of bbin宝盈集团 and Development, Dr Pakiso Tondi, spoke about how the overwhelming effect of social media has caused individuals to become increasingly removed from reality. He expressed worry that normalising inappropriate behaviour on social media could weaken the sense of humanity. Dr Tondi bemoaned the ongoing battle between men and women and said society should move away from toxic masculinity and toward constructive masculinity.

Another panellist, Prince Mbasa Sigcau, emphasised the significance of understanding culture as a value system rather than just a collection of practices. He discussed the Xhosa notion of ‘Umntu ngumntu ngabantu’ which talks to the spirit of Ubuntu. This emphasised the Xhosa cultural tenet that no man is an island and that people are moulded by their relationships with others. He said this underlined how important it is for men to be rooted in their families, communities, and cultures to embody manhood truly. He also discussed ulwaluko (initiation), a rite of passage from boys to manhood. He said it goes beyond physical circumcision and is entrenched in its cultural significance. He also emphasised the value of female bodies, symbolised by the prefix "Kazi" which refers to women and denotes their magnificence and femininity.

Mr. Mdletshe, speaking on behalf of Higher Health, discussed his experience growing up in a typical polygamous home where his father had numerous wives. He considered his father's decisions' effects on him and his mother. He said his relationship with his wife and kids is now his priority in his own life because he took significant lessons from his father's behaviour. He also discussed Higher Health's primary areas of interest, which include HIV, mental illness, LGBTQIA concerns, disability, and gender-based violence. Mr. Mdletshe discussed the necessity of men respecting women's boundaries and asked for specific efforts to address these urgent problems. He stressed the importance of tackling these concerns by presenting alarming data on sexual harassment and assault.

Dr. Sphungu, a specialist on toxic masculinity, talked about the importance of having open discussions regarding men and boys. He saw a fall in the number of guys enrolling in post-secondary programs, notably at institutions of higher learning. “The toxic male ideals that damage women and negatively impact men must be challenged,” he said.  He said the adverse effects of societal norms that mandate men to be the only breadwinners uphold the macho men stereotype. The myth that having several sexual partners is "cool" among men was also addressed by Dr. Sphungu, who highlighted the adverse effects, including the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. He cited KPMG data showing alarmingly high rates of gender-based violence, with one in five women suffering it, which has severe adverse effects.

Dr Anele Siswana, a clinical psychologist, was the evening's last speaker. He discussed his circumcision experience, which he underwent under social pressure rather than on his own volition. He followed cultural custom because of a concern of not being accepted and to avoid being called an ‘inkwekwe’ (boy). In his master's thesis, he critically analysed ulwaluko, and understood that this method only considered physical traits when determining masculinity, disregarding mental toughness.

He admitted that many black men experience profound problems that call for therapy, but he insisted that it is not women's job to change these deeply established beliefs. Dr Siswana advised males to articulate their boundaries, use their authority when necessary, embrace their vulnerabilities, and understand that it's good not to be okay. He highlighted that feelings are gender-neutral and promoted therapy as a kind of self-care, advising men to treat themselves to the time and care they need.